We are rolling along with a new school year at PES and with the new comes lots of stress, anxiety and worry not only for parents but for kiddos too. I'm a worrier, so I totally get where they are coming from and I would venture to say that as many as 80% of the kids who come to talk with me at school, come to me with feelings of worry. These worries range from making friends to who is going to pick me up this afternoon. If you have a child who worries alot, I would like to offer some suggestions on what to say and how to deal with this very real feeling. What to Say to Help a Kid Who is Worried: 1. How big is your worry? Instead of telling kids their worries are too big, have kids rate their worry. You can use an emotion thermometer to guide this or just ask them to rate on a scale of 1-10, 1 being tiny and 10 being huge. 2. How can we tell your worry to leave you alone? Instead of saying, “Just stop worrying,” practice personifying worry. The book, Worry Says What? is a great starting point to help kids learn how they can talk to their worries and tell them to leave! If you have a child who worries, I have this book in my office and would be glad to read it with him/her. Just let me know! 3. I’m here to listen. Tell me about your worry. Instead of isolating children with blaming statements like, “You’re making things worse,” invite them into a supportive relationship. Let them know you’re there to listen to their feelings and worries non-judgmentally. 4. Your feelings are valid. Nothing is more isolating than feeling invalidated with phrases like, “There’s nothing to worry about.” Let kids know they can trust their own feelings and body clues by reminding them they are valid. This isn’t to emphasize and give energy to the worries; it simply lets kids know they can listen to their bodies. From here, you can work together to employ helpful strategies for managing worry. 5. What do you think might happen? What is most likely to happen? Instead of sweeping the worry under the rug with phrases like, “Everything will be fine,” help kids activate logical thinking by considering possible outcomes. Ask what the child thinks might happen. You can make a list of all possible outcomes, real, silly, or unlikely. Then, rank the outcomes based on how likely they are to actually happen. 6. Let’s breathe together. Is there any phrase more maddening than, “Calm down!” Kids don’t like it either. Instead, help kids to slow their breathing and heart rate with a controlled breathing exercise. This takes focus and practice (which will take attention away from the worries) and helps kids feel in control of their bodies. Try one of these worry-busting breathing exercises: 7. Where do you feel your worry in your body?Another phrase no one loves to hear is, “It’s all in your head,” but many students come to school and report loved ones telling them exactly this about their worries. Instead, help students do a body scan to notice where in their bodies they feel their worry. Is it in their stomach? Neck? Hands? Use a hands-on tool to label the sensations in the body. I hope these phrases will help you in calming your worrier!
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